Starting Over Again

A Sexual Fantasy

— By Eros has lost his heart

This one is bittersweet and tender - and very relevant for so many of us. You've lost the love of your life - the core of the world you've built around them. Grief has consumed you for a long long time, and you feel lonely amongst your couple friends. The dating meat market hasn't appealed - but your sex drive and desire is returning - to be touched, to share moments with a glance between you and someone you deeply care about - wordless - just like you used to - but that takes time. You confide in your trepidation about starting over again to your caring friends. They "get you" and love you. So they arrange a beautiful intervention with someone going through the same thing - someone ready to give and love again. You are brought together, neither with any knowledge, at a friend's weekender, to help clean up and decorate, along with others. The weekender is surrounded by forest glades, walking tracks, and a beautiful lakeside. In town, there are cafes and bars to sit and talk. The weather is warm, the work is hard, and your best friend nudges you to look at the stranger, working, strong, smiling, and beautiful. Sooner or later you both realise each is solo and a gentle tension builds in the air. They like your views on life, you like their warmth, their lingering smile and you feel connected. Cut to the chase - your beautiful bestie pushes you both together, and you finally talk, share wine, build heat - followed by that first tentative kiss of starting over again - of gaining trust - of giving permission to explore and finally allow that longing without the guilt of abandoning their lost loves - in a tender torrent of emotional release. Side note: I lost the 42 year love of my life 6 weeks ago. There is no damn way I'm remotely interested in moving on for a fair while - even though years ago, she told me to find someone again if she were to pass first. We lost her on April 2nd this year after complications through surgery for a rare cancer. After her memorial, I found an unread message in our chats. It was a song - a message to me from her - it was what she wanted in the event things did not go to plan. I encourage you to watch the Youtube and read the lyrics to "Don't wait" TUNYA. No less than sung by that hot guy Rege from the Bridgerton series. In tidying her things, bereft and broken, I came across her kindle and read her fantasy stories: strong, dominant bad boy conquests who encounter strong women. It spurred me to really understand her fire and how she - and women - view things. That is why I am here. Regular porn paled - I miss her with an ache that cannot be described other than an agonising hole. So I am that person starting over again. I want to better connect and finally understand her passion, her fire, and her love for me. She wanted me to start over again - sometime in the future. Your care with stories is helping me do that.