The Other

When your heart is in a place that has never been and will never be yours, every sexual encounter becomes the only place you are allowed to be at that particular moment, and every stranger becomes the only stranger. I am grateful that they are there for me, just for me, whether by chance, by accident or out of lust. And although I don’t need them, I like to be wanted, even if for a short while.

I’m sharing all my emotions and sexual energy with those strangers, because only they can experience it and otherwise it might get lost. I never think about anyone else when I’m opening up my legs for them. The only thing I feel is the taste of their eyes, the smell of their skin and the shape of our bodies while we experience the most common and yet the most frowned upon union humans can have. When there are no strings, the pleasure is immediate and the thought of someone else disappears. None of the guys I’ve slept with will ever be the other guy, they are IT, an experience that is unique because here there are no rules, no boundaries, no past and no future. And because of this, it will never end, they will just become fantasies I can always come back to and enjoy them, as they are not tainted by judgment, need, jealousy or obligation.

And as the morning comes, I like to wake up before they do, to watch them sleep and wish they never have to wake up, so that they cannot see I disappeared. I need to disappear, otherwise I might taint everything with emotions that never last. So I look at them, still feeling the smell of our night together, and relieve the entire experience. And right before they open their eyes and see me wave goodbye, I love them with every single cell of my body, like there’s no one else on this planet left to love.