While she takes her clothes off
A Sexual Fantasy
She’d chosen to write her undergraduate dissertation on lap dancing. Had some of the lectures on gender and sexuality given her the idea? ‘No. It’s how I’m supporting myself.’ She was nervous. Would she have to look at read about ethics and morality. No. She unwound a bit. In the end we agreed she’d start with an analysis of who danced, who came to the club, the rules, financial arrangements.
The next time she came I gave her some reading on the difference between naked and nude and a classic French essay on striptease. I suggested she google ‘sex positive’ but not from a computer in the university because of the firewall. Each visit she grew more confident. Since she enjoyed dance classes I suggested a comparison between dance and striptease.
She started dressing up for our meetings. She told me how the girls used to pinch their nipples before coming on stage to make themselves seem aroused. Some of them ‘gave favours’ but she wouldn’t. When she gave a lap dance, she didn’t have to say, ‘no touching’ because as she took off each piece of clothing she put it on her client and that made him keep perfectly still. She clearly enjoyed the seductive power she had over men. Maybe she also wanted to turn me on.
In the end she wrote a fair dissertation and graduated. I wasn’t at the ceremony but heard that as she walked up to receive her certificate, she neatly reached behind her and lifted her skirt to flash her naked bottom at the whole audience.
A year later I was on the last train back from London on Saturday night and there she was walking towards me down the aisle of the shadowy, nearly empty carriage.
She was doing youth work now. You know you really helped me understand what I was doing, she said. She sat down the other side of the table. But tell me honestly, did you ever fantasise about me? You did, didn’t you, she said as I started blushing. Her hands were busy under the table, then slowly and seductively, one by one she began placing her clothes on me and her toes began exploring my thigh.