The Guy Next Door

So this guy is my neighbor and we've known each other since we're kids. I always had a crush on him, he was my first puppy love. I didn't really talk to him though, until we both were in college, and do some community service together. He made a move, and since I had been curious about him for so long, I played along. We talk a lot, we flirted on and off. I find him physically attractive, of course, but since I look for a good conversationalist in a guy, I don't think he's the right one for me. We just have very different interests.

But still, no matter how hard I try to hold myself back, I still find him frustratingly attractive. It's like there's something about him that turns me on really bad. The way he stares and smirks, his broad shoulders, and how he smells so good... I can't help having a lot of fantasies about him. It's getting crazier lately since we're involved in a project together, so we meet with each other regularly. It's hard to resist his charms. I wonder how his kiss tastes like, I imagined his hands rubbing me right, how good he'd fuck me in bed... Sometimes it gets a little bit kinky. And one day I can't hold it anymore, I start to masturbate.

I'm totally aware that basically he is one of a "shallow" and one dimensional guy that's not good for me to have a real relationship with, but I can't stop this physical attraction. I absolutely think that it's not a good idea to date him, but I don't do casual sex. So my head gets full of these dirty thoughts of him, and I masturbate secretly, and pretend that everything's normal in front of him while I actually want to rip his clothes off right then, straddle him and ride him hard...