Feminism vs. Fantasy

As a feminist I've always been terrified to admit even to people I'm intimate with that I enjoy rape fantasy. It's nothing new. Even as a kid a lot of my sexual awakenings were disturbing in that I was more of a victim than a willing and curious girl. It's not that I ever want to actually be raped and I'm not even really interested in roleplaying it but I do love to daydream about it. In those daydreams I'm never badly hurt and I'm even treated respectfully most times. But I'm always locked in a cage or a windowless room and forced into doing anything my captor wants, until I'm sobbing from exhaustion.