Can you hear me?

A Sexual Fantasy

— By Jwski

I moved to a new house in the Fall. I used to live by myself in a small studio. Now, I live with good friends of mine in a house. In the beginning, I felt anxious about moving in with a married couple. Would I be too involved in their romantic routine? Would I be disturbed by yelling, fighting? Since our rooms are separated by a thin wall, I feared hearing sex noises, moans, slaps. Could I just pretend not to hear them? What if sounds would keep me awake at night? It turns out I never heard them… making love. Not a peep. No naughty laughter, no pleasure exclamations. It’s been 9 months and I have never caught anyone naked on the kitchen floor, never heard the bed banging against the wall. It is like there’s no sex between them at all. Perhaps I should be relieved but… How is that possible? How can you have someone so close to you and not have sex? Or maybe it's just me? It is not their noise but their silence that is bothering me. Is there something wrong with them? Do I overvalue sexual pleasure? I am horny all the time, that’s true… but isn’t that normal? Well, actually I think about sex a lot, but rough sex. I dream about tugging, squeezing, licking. I crave the smell of sweat and affection in my bed. I carry the weight of moans and exhalations in my chest just waiting for the next opportunity to burst from joy. Perhaps that’s what it is to be a sexual being. But wait, if I can’t hear them does it mean that they can’t hear me? Can they hear me playing by myself in my room? Can they hear me opening the window and making sure drapes allow just enough light in so that a passing stranger could catch glimpses of my body and wonder what's going on? Can they sense my energy, the air getting hotter as my clothes make their way onto the floor? Can they hear when I lay on my bed as I run my fingers against my skin, circling my nipples, pinching the insides of my thighs? Can they hear me calling names, imagining a tongue between my legs? Is my heavy breathing audible when I picture someone exploring my body, looking deeply into every corner, every fold of me? Can they hear me as I tease myself, testing how long can I go without touching my clit? Can they detect the vibrations from my toys that I try to hide below the covers and that I attempt to drown out with the tv that I never watch? I wonder if they ever heard me moaning face down on a pillow to muffle my voice when I feel the strokes inside me that are just too rhythmic, too consistent, too real? I wonder if they actually can hear me, does that excite them as much as it excites me? Do I possibly give them the inspiration to indulge? For now I will wait, maybe their silence may break.