Romance Bullshit

From the XConfessions series: Every writer in the room types frantically, but she is just not inspired. Until she sees him...




Director: Erika Lust

Performers: Amarna Miller, Ryan James

I had to shut down my pharmacy and rearrange the family's economy. My husband works in a security services enterprise. I have three kids, already in high school.
I began to spend more time at home for the first time in years. I don't like wasting my time, so I began going to the public library and thought I might read all the important books I always heard about but never dared to begin: Tolstoi, Dickens... One day, along with Stendhal's The Red and the Black I borrowed a novel with pink covers which seemed in demand. I had overheard a bit of the conversation between the lady who was returning it and the librarian. When I got home I wraped it with newspaper so that neither my husband nor my children would see the promise of passionate hot scenes on the cover. When my family left in the morning I got my book and read the hottest passages and masturbated. The following day I went back to the library and picked some more titles.

Time went by super fast. I masturbated, then vacuumed. I made lunch, then masturbated. I masturbated in the kitchen, over the couch, in my bedroom. I'd heard of people stimulating their clit with the shower head but had never tried (too eccentric for me), then I decided to do it. Got some products from the pharmacy nearby, products I had sold to young couples before, lubs with cold and hot effects. I masturbated. In my late forties, I was behaving like a teenager! Was I crazy? Was I an idiot? Was I wasting time? Or was I, for the first time, knowing myself through erotic books & masturbation? I had more appetite for my husband too. All those silly stories I was reading were inoculating the desire of adventures in my own real life. I even wondered, would I dare to have a lover?

This is my guilty pleasure: stupid, corny romance bullshit. I know these books are objectively NOT GOOD, and the sex depicted on them is NOT REAL. But I can't stop. This is a problem, since I've found a new job... I'm gonna have to find a secret place to masturbate, maybe in the Library's toilets, I don't know yet.


Behind the Scenes

Erika's Comment

Dear Emma, exploring your own sexuality through your life changes can't be a waste of time! Thanks to you, I've decided to pay homage to all those old-fashioned books that for such a long time were the only porn permitted to women... We've played with feminine stereotypes through the character of Amarna Miller, a romance writer. Australian good-looker Ryan James performs her imaginary object of desire. They have perfect sex, as perfect as only fiction can be (wait... except that this is real!). The result is a tender erotic satire: I think we might have invented a whole new genre here!

Your Comments


    I totally hate the 50-shades-ofstupidity trend but your confessions feels so honest. I liked it!! I think we women in our 40s or over must highlight that we are also sexual and sexy.

    • Newbi

      Except that the female performer in this movie is in her 20s ;-). There are some beautiful movies with more mature women here on XC ("I found your mother on tinder" or "I Can’t Stop this Affair") which are really sexy because the older women in these films really seem to know what they want and live their fantasies. I think your films would totally benefit a few more wrinkles and the occasional gray hair here and there and some experienced and mature actors. I totally do not want to complain about your beautiful and amazingly natural actors here, but your willingess to also use actors who do not fall into the standard beauty model of todays (porn) world, Erika, makes your movies so much more interesting and natural.


    And masturbate


    why not some lesbian MILF stuff? X)


    Oh, these are great news. I think I will buy some champagne and share the movie and my little secret with my husband... Should I or not?

  • Wen

    Love, love, love the script, it recreates Harlequin-esque crappy novels so well! Also, sex + intelligent humour = total win :)

  • HannaO

    Smart and Sexy!!!

  • secretguy42

    this site is a god send. as a guy - i feel kind of bad that there is so much bullshit porn. inflated men and women. this site feels much more real in terms of it being actual stories. erika - youre a goddess!


    You are c r a z y :D!

  • jvarela

    Amarna *-* Nice!

  • BadKidAlex

    Looks nice..

  • maggadella

    Who is the male performer in this??

  • Newbi

    I love the twists of the story around the actual sex (which is beautifully filmed, too). You could have set the script in this stereotypical 50s suburban American setting with big Chevy limousines, a hard working and successful lawyer husband and a cute pet dog in the lawn to really top these stereotypes (maybe next time? ;-)). The story she writes is hilarious. I totally love the humor and irony you put into so many of these erotic films.
    How about putting one of these cheesy dime novels (Groschenroman) into an ironic erotic movie? The ones you can mainly buy in supermarkets or train stations with cheesy drawings of scantily clad women on the knees of muscular blond guys on the cover and stories in the inside of the tragic and doomed love between a rich and powerful prince and a poor but beautiful farmers daughter and graphic but totally cheesy descriptions of their sex. Not sure how to "confess" this here as a "confession" (as i do not dream in these stereotypes) but I would love to watch the corresponding movie ;-).