Wishes and Regrets

This is a "too soon we get old, too late we get smart" story... It's been too long since I felt another man explode. In my hand, in my mouth, in my ass... And the desire is getting more and more, even though the opportunity is getting less and less. I've always been unsure of my gender and sexuality. But growing up in a more than conservative family in the 1960's pretty much guaranteed that anything but cis/hetero would be my default expression. (I felt shameful at my secret cross dressing experiments, and never had any same sex opportunities at all.) It took thirty years before I could accept and try to act on my inner urges. I've only had a few chances to play with other men. Getting a a blow job and responding with a hand job in a parked car. Playing with a friend, giving head and trying to take him in my ass. (We didn't know how to do it right, it didn't work.) It wasn't until much later I learned to love having someone explode in my mouth. One time, someone I never would have expected stayed the night. We started with a massage, and moved on to sucking, licking and a lovely sixty-nine. That however was in the past, I'm married now to a woman I love dearly. And while we fuck, I often imagine holding and stroking a cock. The ides of getting fucked while I'm fucking her is delicious, and almost certain to make me come! Last time I fucked her tits, something we both love, I was having a hard time coming (it was the second time around). So I started imagining a man behind me, pushing his cock into my ass. To make it easier, I bent my back presenting myself to him, making it easier for him to slide in. Sliding back and forth between my wife's tits as I imagined his cock was more than enough to send me over the edge. It was a glorious orgasm! I have fears about asking my wife to fuck me with a strap-on. She fears that she's not attractive as she used to be, which I of course wholeheartedly disagree. So I will be very careful about asking. But I will ask. And who knows! Perhaps I'll meet a willing man one day!