Mirroring dance

I have C-PTSD which means I have struggled my whole adult life with touch and physical sex, and with fears of abandonment. This has always made it hard for me in relationships - I long to feel close and yet always push people away. The times where I have felt closest to another person have been when I dance, particularly using the technique of mirroring. In mirroring you face your partner and place palms to palms, close but not touching, but close enough for you to sense each other's presence. You may close your eyes and really tune in.

Start with slow movements, one person leads at first and the other follows, the aim is to mirror the movements of the leader, to be their reflection, so you become synchronized, adsorbed in their physicality, their being. You can play with leading and being led, in time roles can change, you become the leader, but it is also great to follow where the other person leads, to submit yourself to their being, to become a part of them and they of you. Eventually there is no leader and no follower, following becomes flowing, leading becomes learning, and moving now not just with hands but whole bodies, merging, still not touching, quite, but close enough to feel the electricity running through each other's synapses, to feel energy from chakras; flowing as one energy field.

I would love to do this naked, to feel the aliveness of a a whole body, gradually sharing little butterfly touches, glancing brushes of skin to skin, feeling each other's breath and warmth, smelling the sweat, perfumed skin, maybe a tiny lick of salt, of musk. Gender also starts to dissolve, she becomes me/he, I become s/he, we become one being, Hermaphrodite, 2 heads, 2 hearts beating, 2 sets of genitals, 4 arms, 4 legs, 4 hands. Finally we join as one, join through the groin, through the mouth, through twining into each other; climbing into the person tree. Being also dissolves - there is no me, only we. One tune. I am connected, I am whole, I am no longer alone.