Shyness, Lust, "The First Time"

A Sexual Fantasy

— By cfjk

I miss one particular erotic situation on xconfessions, it´s about a night where two really, really hetero guys – dear and longtime friends, almost brothers – have sex with each other, have sex with a man for the first time in their life (and of course with a woman, in this real case my then-girlfriend). It´s about crossing borders and breaking male rules for the first time, about shyness and embarrassment, about lust and courage, about new sensations and wanting to know. Most thrilling for me was that mixture of fear and lust when a man is about to do the most „unmanly“ thing that is imaginable in the traditional male concept. So it´s about crossing borders, about virginity, about „the first time“, about shyness. Shyness, lust and a little bit of Angst. I had it once. We were cruising through Frankfurt on a hot summer night with a bunch of fun loving criminals, artists, musicians, drinking, smoking good grass, partying, getting erotically more uninhibited with every hour of the evening, young, foolish and ready for … whatever came our way. We were three, two guys and a girl. Me, hetero but also … curious and libidinous. I would never describe myself as bisexual. But every once in a while I had asked myself how it would be to make love with a man. I wanted to explore the female side. How would it be to have him inside me, how would it be to have him come inside me, how would it feel to touch a male body. Then there was my girlfriend, my biggest love and the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, exciting, sexually unrestrained and adventurous woman I ever met. The second man was and is my best friend. He is a very sophisticated, beautiful guy, tall, slender, with beautiful hands, a deep, warm voice and a sensual vibrancy. I had had fantasies about him years before that ominous summer night. I had never needed them to come true though, they were just there. On the other side him and me had shared a bed more than once (just to avoid drunk driving), and on some of these occasions late at night it felt (at least for me) as if lust was just one more tiny step away. As if he might be waiting. We already had a really deep, loving, all-embracing friendship, we shared the same humour, intellectual interests, philosophy. Talking about sexual fantasies with your lover is what happy, horny couples do. Of course my girlfriend and I talked. I told her that having sex with a man and a woman was my favourite fantasy. It had to be three (at least), and one had to be a woman. I never would have had sex with a guy without a woman. Probably some sort of self assurance that I´m really just a curious hetero, I think. I told her that I had been longing for years to find out how it was to touch a guy, and that my best friend was the only man I could imagine in such a fantasy or even real situation. A few weeks later my fantasies of a threesome, where lust and freedom rules and sexual borders and taboos just aren´t there for one magical night, came true.