The love and sex of my life - by a retired porn star

I once, and only once, fell in love. I once, and only once, had great sex.

I was, for a short while, a BDSM model; a sub to a dom I barely knew; a star in porn; a slut. And here is why I started.

"It took us one night to get into bed, and four years to hold hands," he said, remarking on our unconventional, yet beautiful relationship. We met in a bar, exchanged stories, let each other know we are in good relationships, and got into bed. We were each other's, "the other". There were no feelings involved, but we had something I have never had with anyone. When we reached our fourth year, we fell in love.

The sex got even better. Tremendous. Orgasmic. Completely what fantasies are made of.

We explored each other's body and talked openly of our fantasies.

My love is reserved, who secretly fantasized of bondage and public sex. One day, he skipped office, and waited for me in our usual--a modest inn--until I got off mine. He told me to hurry, texted me the room number, and didn't reply after. I got worried. He could have been caught by his partner, fallen victim to an accident, or committed suicide--he was depressed. I hurried, heart beating as I found the door to the room open. I entered the room and saw a thick rope wrapped around...his muscular naked body, relaxing as he saw me, tensing as he saw me. I took him then. And both found bliss in restraints, choking, dominating, releasing.

We tried public sex. In a conservative Catholic country, it was exciting. One of our notable experiences was going to karaoke. The door had a small window, we searched for cameras and found none--possible. I took his dick out, licked and sucked him as he stood, moaning. I lifted my skirt, letting him enter me from behind. A few pounds in, a girl staff knocked on our door. We checked out of the room, finding live CCTV footage of each room in the lobby where a dozen people were waiting for rooms. Our first live show.

We ended, and I explored myself alone. I filled the void with men I didn't know. It was horrific. I miss him.