Full moon healing
Like many girls in our society I used to always focus on the man’s pleasure in my sexual relationships. I didn't seem able to give myself fully when I was with a man. During the full moon of November 2018 a stranger healed me.
Last November I decided to follow my heart on a solo-trip to the US. I had nothing planned, ready for adventure. A friend told me that when I go to the west-coast I have to visit this man who lives in the desert, his land would be amazing and she thought he would be interesting for me to meet. I went, expecting nothing more than a weekend away from the busy city life of LA, enjoying nature.
A man of 50 greeted me with a long hug and I felt open and free but also certain nothing was going to happen between us. He was too old for me (I’m 30) and I was not particularly attracted to him. We drove to his land. He had his own hot springs and every night we soaked in the hot tubs under the stars and the full moon in the cold desert nights. It was magical. During the day we would drive into national parks and enjoy nature and each other’s company, talking about business, life and “the goddess”. I was very curious and he loved to tell me all about the goddess, how the goddess is a powerful woman (in all of us) that knows exactly what she wants, communicates clearly, can change her mind whenever she wants, knows how to take her space, and can not be rushed. Oh! And she loves pleasure. Pleasure with herself, with her girlfriends, with men. I became more and more curious and one night in the hot tub I asked him to tell me a story of one of the goddesses he had been with in the past. He told me 7 long stories of the 7 goddesses he had been with in the past years and all were so arousing to me. I was envious of all these powerful women who knew exactly what they wanted from their man, demanded it, and it sounded all so good. Here was a man who really knew what he was talking about, telling me my own secrets that I never even had discussed with my girlfriends. About how he pleasured them for hours, how the goddess likes to be touched and caressed all over her body, how he brought other girls to join, how he met every single one of their secret wishes. 3 hours and 7 sexy goddess stories later I felt very aroused and empowered and told him confidently: “ok, thank you for sharing this with me, I am going to bed, I will think about it.” And he said: “Yes, please do, process all this new information in your goddess mind. Sleep well. “
Normally I would feel guilty leaving a guy with false hope, but with him I felt completely confident and sovereign. Back to being alone I thought by myself: I have to try this, I was never able to focus only on my own pleasure and here is a man who reads my mind and tells me he will give me all the space I need – treat me like a goddess. I will only receive and not feel guilty to give anything in return. And if he is not as good as he appears to be, I will just stop him, and change my mind without any shame. I will demand exactly what I want. Let’s see.
The next night we were back in the hot tub, we spend 4 hours in the hot water under the stars where he told me more stories, massaged me, caressing my whole body, asked me if he could kiss me, if he could pleasure me. I told him: feel if I am wet enough. Then he lifted me up above the water and started to lick me. He told me we would not have intercourse that night, it would be only about me and my pleasure. I have never been pleasured for as long as I wanted before, and there was one moment where I felt guilty and said, “it’s not going to happen, let’s stop.” But then he continued with more stories, different angles, different techniques to get me out of my head and into my body. I never came with a man before, and even with myself it was difficult. This man healed me, the space and the attention he gave me showed me I was absolutely worthy of pleasure and taking up space in bed. And the next day I gave him head – not because I felt I had to give back, but because I authentically wanted to give him love and pleasure. We’ve been having the most amazing sex ever since.
Photographs by Léon Braeckeveldt exploring sexuality and sexual difference without being sexist, where models are friends and random strangers. The result is work that shows there is something raw and powerful about the sexuality of people who are not used to being naked in front of a camera.